Saturday, December 3, 2016

Waiting is all you need....!!!!

I remember calling my dad after first 4months in hostel and telling him " I feel so different here, I'm literally scaring people because of my insomnia , the other day I was washing clothes at 2.am someone almost got a heartattack " . I also remember him telling me " may be not now but you may end up finding someone who'll love you for what you are "....

 I'm in a position where I'm literally experiencing the things which I never thought I would face , birth being the best and death being the worst...

Growing up being that 16 year old when all your friends have boyfriends and even had their first kiss whereas you crushing over the anime character which you are currently watching ... well the anime was slam dunk and the character was Hanamichi sakuragi lol... The point is you probably might have thought your life was boring ...



Being that 22 year old when you'll see most of your friends getting married and think "hey isn't that the girl who hated commitments and had almost like a 100 flings now she's getting married .... Omg isn't that girl hated babies now she's a mom" which makes you think  " omg where am I going with my life I still hate commitment , I still hate the idea of being a mom and I still think puppies are cuter than babies".....



Being that 18 year old thinking that watching every newly released movie in a theater and hanging out with your friends every weekend is the biggest enjoyment..

Oh how can I forget being 21 when all your friends are digging up beer , breezer , wine , wiskey etc  and you decide to be a teetotaler but instead you become butt of all their jokes as they consider you lame...


Well..... many of you might be thinking I'm just talking how lame my life is .... NO.... I love my life and even at a gun point I wouldn't want to change any of it... I'm just making a point guys..



See at 16 I thought I was boring but by the time I turned 18 all their relationships ended and all of them regretted it and in my case I never had to regret p.s I watched the best anime of my life which is still my favourite ..

I'm 22 I don't have a husband who would bother me , I don't have responsibilities of marriage and most importantly I don't have a baby who would wake me up from my precious sleep but what I do have is a beautiful pet dog who would lick my face and relieve my stress... see I'm a free bird..

When I was 18 and directionless that was surely the best enjoyment ever but when you enter college you will realise there are other things you need to do to set your life to become independent you can't sober all around .

Choosing to be a teetotaler was a best decision ever not that I hate people who drink alcohol its their personal choice but I still remember me telling them " I don't need alcohol to make me feel like I'm in heaven I can feel that normally also " most of my friends who started drinking where really depressed or heartbroken at that time but lucky enough few of them realized that if u want to search peace you cant find it in a bottle of alcohol but sadly few of them didn't and they are still struggling.



The point of writing this post is that guys may be at this point you might feel depressed or outcasted or different than others, may be you find yourself difficult to fit in a group of people but that doesn't mean that things will never change. Sometimes the lamest decisions you have taken with your life are the best decisions ever.

Just because your life is not going the way you want it to ending your life is the stupidest decision ever. What if I had ended my life at 16 and never lived through 18 I would never have got a chance to realise that I took the most best decision ever...



I think most of the people who stay depressed in life are the ones who never figure out the process of growing up ..

Now coming back to the story I'm thankful that my dad poured sense into me to wait and I waited now I have a bunch of friends who love me as the crazy insomnic person that I'm .

Just don't loose hope friends everything sets back but life once it goes away it never comes back..... Please stay positive...!!!!




Sunday, October 16, 2016

Outspoken thoughts

It’s amazing when people accept their mistake , nothing can give instant relief than acceptance ….
It’s surprising that sometimes being alone is refreshing than being with people…
That amazing moment when 100 oppose you still one dares stand up for u….
That speechless feeling when you are constantly bullied because of your looks and someone admires them..
It’s magical how sometimes bad food tastes so yummy in hunger…
People like me who never share anything with others it always amazing when someone says “eat this it’s your favourite, don’t do it as you don’t like it , you should go there as it’s your favourite place” …
I absolutely love when men sing mainly when they are very bad at it but still sing to make up the mood…
The way a pet changes stiff you to a cuddle bug it’s always wonderful…
People say money gives happiness but sometimes people who have nothing are more happy than people who have everything….
It’s crazy that no matter how big pessimist we are we all are optimistic about life…
Love has a power to start or stop a war….
Every person loves whether it’s a common man or a dictator….

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Why we live in a f**ked up society…..

I don’t hate my country but being honest as much as I love India I still don’t ignore the fact that sometimes things are messed up here…😏

When it comes to India it’s like everyone is monarch of their own land. Young people have different ideologies than middle aged and middle aged have different ideologies than old people. Everything is messy , proving everything is an argument.

People easily get offended. I rarely see people who are older than me take humour as easily as I do . We are always restricted to do things what we like to do. Often free spirited people are considered as runt in the community.

Sometimes it gets into my nerves like can’t every person live normally instead of using half knowledge and confirming someone’s personality.

Things like someone’s perfect than you just because they are submessive you are an idiot only because you speak up for yourself.

Its ok for certain part of life but when you are 22 , ain’t doing anything antisocial still people say you should take random shit from people and never speak up for yourself because that’s against Indian tradition it’s complete shit … The most idiotic thing about most of the elder generation of India is according to them you should never speak up for yourself because that would make you look like a rebellious person…

Even speaking right in discussions I have been stopped many times because according to many people girls should never look smart …

Every person is unsatisfied by your looks and everyone is constantly stalking you on every stupid social media… I love being with people but I realised one thing growing up personal space is only thing that would give you the relief that you need. If someone ask about the best part of my life it’s definitely the part where I spent in a single room while getting graduation.

Somewhere or the other these stupid obsessions of society are never letting the country grow … It’s hard to expect anything when we have neighbours like cctv cemeras who are constantly after you for their mere joy of gossips , close people acting worst than stalkers on social media and most worst thing people interfering in personal space everywhere…

More over no matter whose fault it is the younger people should always appolazise because of this stupid f**ked up society.

People who play victim card are considered true , people who are two faced always escape , people who lie are always happy… where are the true ethics of the society….

In conclusion if you are free spirited, humorous and you have active social life you are considered as f**ked up person here…

There was a time tried to make people happy but I wasn’t happy the whole time… So even if you are becoming bad or every person thinks you are disgrace until you are not doing anything antisocial just live for your damn life… Trying to make society happy is shit because no matter how many buckets of pure water you pour into an ocean it’ll still be of salt water… 😫

Friday, July 1, 2016

Things I out grew …!!!

I’ll be 22 this july and I don’t know what should I be surprised of seeing myself because there was a time when I had a very low self esteem and confidence. Most part I was always with people who showered love so even if few people hated me it would hurt me very bad . I was excess in everything whether it was attachment or confrontation. I wanted everyone around me to be happy. Whatever that made people happy because of me gave me satisfaction.

But after years passed I understood one thing, no matter what you do people around you are never satisfied so you can’t keep all the people around you always happy . Even if you do ten goodthings and one badthing people will talk about the badthing . I have very good levels of self esteem and confidence now. At this stage of life I don’t have many friends but I realised that enemies make you strong. All the positivity I got is only from coming of the shell full of friends. I started exploring and experimenting more. 2years back the same year I lost one of my friend and my dog of 10years I thought it was hard to live but I lived / living quite normally.

If god offers he could exchange all these years of med school of me living in a single room all alone with less friends with happiest memories I would never accept the offer because this taught me how to live and staying with people who loved me never taught me how to live. I lost all my views on marriage and family because seeing people suffering almost everyday with some sort of disease wants me genuinely help them. Having family and stress that comes with it are not the things that I’m looking forward. But definitely want to adopt a 5yr old child in far future. Most of the men I see wants women to work 24hrs restlessly. I’m not saying all the men are bad most of them are good but Indian society sucks! In india inspite of women earning well they are confined to household burden .

In conclusion I just want to say if you have a hard situation learn from it. There were people who said you can’t handle situations yourself and I’m proving them wrong everyday. Don’t let anyone underestimate you!

Monday, June 29, 2015

LETTER TO FUTURE ME

I have recently seen a video online and a thought just popped into my mind that how would it be if I write a letter to future me? So here it goes,



Sudhi when you are reading this post you will be 10years older than now. I hope you are as cool as now , I hope trekking, pottery and painting became your regular hobbies , I hope mom dad are fine and are living with you,  I hope you found your true love, I hope you are married and has opened your own therapy center. As you are 31 now its best time for you to have kids just like you planned. No matter how many people are hating you around I hope you are still growing strong. I hope you became independent and are earning enough without the support of your husband. I hope my lovely brother is living independent financially,  I hope sister is settled too, I hope you finally got a pitbull as a graduation gift and are reading this post petting him.

Are you getting your free time ?

I hope you are rich enough to hire a maid ( I know how much you hate doing house work)

Are you finally living in a house with big lawn ?

Have you visited any forgein country?

How many nieces and nephews do you have ? Are you being a good aunt?

Are those people who irritate you the most still around you?

Does you , Chandu, manu hangout like old times?

Sudhi I want you to know that if you are struck with a wrong person in a suffocating situation feel free to leave him. If you are not enjoying your life in city there is always plan B. Don't let any stupid person change you.

I hope you love yourself as much as you do now.

I hope you still sometimes open Facebook to see your old pics.

I hope you are fit like now.

I hope you are still writing stories.                               


 
                                             With so much love,
 ~sudhi

Sunday, April 12, 2015

5years of blogging and 5years of abandoned dreams..!!!

Hi friends,

This post is special , seriously I can't believe that my blogs are 5 years old already and I thank my readers from the bottom of my heart who made this journey possible...

When I started this blog 5 years back I was just a simple gal who was very crazy and all she wanted to do in her life was trekking and medical service in all 3rd world countries. But fortunately or unfortunately she grew up into to this astonishing young lady...lol...(self compliment)

If you ask me what amazes me the most I just keep thinking, is it me moving out of the house? Is it me growing up and understanding things? Is it knowing new facts? I just don't know.  At starting I was picked on often due to my less knowledge on sex talk and less interest in boys .. Talking about boys I was very scared of boys in my teens all my friends had boyfriends and I was the one who always ran away when ever asked on a date but now things changed I simply reject and I least care. I'm more confident now and I look lot better.



The only thing I regret the most is I had the best group of friends from 8th to 12th and I don't now , my friends who still remember each and every single bit of me which I don't. People often ask me does it hurt when you are constantly mocked? Yes ofcourse it hurts but sometimes its better if you move on and take things lite.

I still believe in being good to everyone whether its a friend or an enemy and I will keep doing that till my end no matter what happens..

Marriage is still a big question mark in my life I donno why , when ever I tell people I will marry after 10years they are like what the heck!! The question is can any one control this adventurous mind of mine? The gal who lives doing multiple works , having multiple dreams and who doesn't believe in system of marriage.. I can't be that typical Indian daughter-in-law doing poojas and taking care of children etc etc I even don't think of having kids for next 10years but ironically I love kids . I often think can anyone think of having a daughter-in-law in a gal who dreams about writing books on a roof top, a gal who dreams about working in war zone and a gal who thinks of climbing mountains..



My death is definitely when I'm locked in a single room when I have nothing much work to do , yes I die everyday. I die everyday when I talk to people who are not innovative, I die everyday when I see people who are having freedom , I die everyday because of restriction, I die whenever some idiot tells me I can't do it but it doesn't make me wish not to reborn the next day, I know today is hard but tomorrow may be good.

One of the things that keep me alive is the wonderful people I meet in the hospital, my profession.. I know it is hard to be a doctor but I also know that I was born to be a doctor. I live in my dreams of opening a therapy center, I live in every child who thinks differently and I live in that every naughty kid I see.



The  thing that scares me the most is if I get married it is literally killing the dream of opening a therapy center, dream of being a doctor I want to be not what they want me to be and having my freedom disappear.

I wish I was born in some other country apart from India where gals have freedom to make their dreams come true. The destiny of every Indian gal is marriage, jobs , kids and in-laws and gals like me end up the same.

It was surely hard after loosing my dog of 10years (whom I had from 7th grade to 2nd year medicine) he was the only one who loved me for what I am , I don't feel like going home anymore it feels empty without him..



I do feel bad about people who betrayed me, bad friendships I made, bad decisions I took and the way how many people turned out to look at me but they were all my decisions no one forced me so I just keep going straight..

When you grow up you will realize somethings are just promises , people who boast about being on your side are the first ones to run away , this is one big crazy world which we live in the only way to survive is never give up loving yourself...

You will realize that when you are a kid you dream about being a lone ranger having a pet tiger but all you could be is nothing more than someone's wife. In future incase if I have kids I would definitely tell them to preserve and achieve their wildest fantasies because there will be a 100 people in a row who will try whatever possible to make you not achieve that and you will have some more 100 people who will discourage you.

So my funda in life is very simple I just love myself and I keep searching for better path...
   


               ~ Life is all about how you write it and when I die atleast these blogs will remain~

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

How I fell and stood up..!!

Hi friends,

   I know its been so long since I last posted but I'm thinking to post every week from today like old days ... 

  In all these years I have seen my self grow from a girl to a lady I have seen a phase of a gal who faced extreme bullying in childhood and who stood up all that to a gal who was very adventurous to a lady who is thrown up into a restricted area and yet again facing bullying but sadly this time she can't be adventurous anymore ..

I know all these people who bully me now regarding my looks are changing me into someone I really don't want to be . I never yell at people but I did that lately and I regret it ,sometimes I find it so offensive how others take so much interest in my life than their own and I have developed an eating disorder with all these stress yet strangely I started loosing weight.

I donno why I blame myself for all the failed relationships I'm in , I never understand the scenario how could someone think of hurting other person with lame words its completely vague to comment on others looks. I'm not beautiful and I never think about it not even once the only time I look at my face is when I'm brushing my teeth and this is the truth of my life and it just confuses me how someone could tell on my face " you are ugly and skinny" , I never comment on others looks , I never gossip and if I have spare time I would write stories or read novels or draw something. 

More than hurting me it disturbs me how inspite of all these things happening around the world all that  someone thought of doing was simply to hurt others on their beauty which they surely require any time because real beauty lies in the heart and they are bunch of ugly people because they don't have a heart..

I remember all those bullies from childhood who are now eagerly waiting for me to apologize them , they have ended up getting bad grades doing odd courses , I ended up in medical school getting good grades and I know karma is a bitch if you live your life plotting against others you will drown in the same hole you are digging in . I have seen many examples of these through out my life till now.




I always just think only one thing, I would live up to tell this story of how I stood up fighting against all odds and they would die in grief .




Today they might be powerful but there is a tomorrow of all the sins we do and it will cost them more than they deserve.

I could ruin them if I want to but that's not the person I am , I know there is something special in me that's why they are jealous of me.




I always tell this every one who are bullied that there is some thing special in you  making them insecure.

I learned to live in peace, thanks to some of the wonderful people who are still in my life, yes I too have lows in my life don't think I'm a super human lol..!! 




These experiences make me go forward and see life more deeply, life is not always about sugars and cream berrys its also about sour pickles and all you have to do is be patient because you never know and the waiter may serve you cream berry this time.