Thursday, May 10, 2018
Thursday, April 26, 2018
He : Give me your email id or phone number
Me : why ???
He : Because you are interesting dear...
Me : NO!
At 16 I always felt boys who use the word "DEAR" were flirting and he felt dear was used to girls who you are friends with ...
Thus began a long persuasion .. I would refuse every single time and he kept on perusing ... That was the time when facebook started he was one of the first to send me request and I wouldn't accept it.
one day he was like : I seriously think I'm a fool now , I just wanted to be your friend because you are just like me if you cant understand that I can't help you , BYE!
I donno why I felt so bad about that and I was like ok fine lets be friends ...
But what he said was right we are very similar , we have our differences but almost 80% in common .
My mom always said finding someone who understands me and my ideologies was like finding a blue diamond but he always understood me effortlessly..
Growing up like a tomboy for a brief period I had more friends who are boys than girls , I never got scared of stupids things , I never cried nor blushed , I was too sporty and competitive . I was bro to all my guy friends (still am) . I'm still pretty much like that but the strangest thing was that he never treated me like a bro. I was this girl to him with whom he could talk about inventions , travel , adventures , politics ,history etc etc .
The thing I liked most about him was that he is a feminist and alot like my dad who also a feminist . I always used to say if I ever met a guy like my dad I would marry him because I was so confident that I would never meet a guy with such forward mindset and my parents especially my dad always felt that I would die unmarried .
At some point I slowly realized its simply cant be friendship because he would wake up late nights till I reach my destination if I'm travelling alone, he would get worried if I didn't message him. So I confronted him one day when he sent some message with deep thoughts ... And after few minutes of confrontation he said " sometimes I do feel like we should be more than friends" , frankly speaking at that time I didn't think much, all my friends had boyfriends and were pretty busy in their lives and I was bored with where my life was , I desperately needed some adventure so I said yes with no intention of any future thoughts and pretty much being sure about breaking up with him one day..
After all the life I had I guess the best time started the moment I said yes because being adventurous and full of energy I never had someone who would support that I mean my parents supported it but I never had a companion and there he was with equal thoughts . Whether it was late night drives , hiking , trekking , being on biggest rollercoaster or a towerdrop we did it all..
When I told my friends that I was in a relationship everyone guessed it was with him and my best friends were like if not him then no one can control your madness and at one point my mom was like you know you should marry him because no one can understand you.
That was so true I never had any person in my life who would understand me so well like him. But it was all too unreal for me I was pretty sure we would breakup , I somehow made up my mind that it wouldn't last...
One day I lost my dog of 10years being the strong person I'm I had to comfort all my family members keep my tears inside me and I was living far as a person who is bad at expressing I didn't even tell my friends but he knew it , he traveled for like 19hrs leaving his work just to meet me so that I wont be lonely and that was the time it hit me and I was like no I cant play around thinking its gonna end one day I better be serious and work it on.
I know being in a relationship is not an easy task even stone hearted people cry and there'll be ton of mood swings , different phases but you just have to go through all of it. I always think loosing everything is very easy but keeping everything together is hard yet worth it .
People breakup for silly reasons these days.
When we decided to get married I know there is this huge opposition from my friends , his friends and common friends. I mean we live in a society where people think if you are getting married you will have kids in a year or two then become this typical middle aged couple but we absolutely have no plans of having kids even more than 10yrs and when people ask me why suddenly you people decided to get married its not sudden we know each other for so long being having discussed it many times it never felt sudden and marriage is the only thing that would allow us to enjoy more , travel more, be more adventurous and be all by ourselves.
Our relationship is I would say is bit less complicated compared to others. We are never romantic kind of people we are more like best friends and still our conversations are mostly about all those I mention above , we never lie to each other and figure out easily even if we did , we both love animals and almost 80% of our interests , thoughts and ideas match. As its the scenario we really do have less fights than other couples and more understanding..
If ever in future I have kids I would really tell them to be with someone who share same interests , I know people say opposites attract but after certain stage you would really get fed up if you want something and your partner wants something else...
For some reason marriage is not at all making me nervous, have to wait and watch how our lives will be after June....
Saturday, December 30, 2017
When you are 17 and crazy you probably might not think about life how it would be. Sometimes you are just alone no matter how badly you want someone by your side and sometimes you just want to be alone but there is a crowd mocking at you, it makes me think how did I end up here...
When you are bought up with too much of freedom and still there are people who try to control you and no matter how much you want to punch them on their face you just smile. People keep telling me how life sucks!!! I know right now life sucks there are too many directions to follow and too much of hopelessness but this phase like any other phase will pass....
The most important thing this year taught me is patience. Yep I do get frustrated and I do feel left out but there are people with bad situations than mine. I know it's hard but someday or the other you have to outgrow the crazy kid in you ..
The people you love can't be mothering you all the time because at the end of the day they too have got a life to live...
So yes I decided to outgrew myself ... All I'm waiting is for my next adventure...!!!!
Just keep swimming....
Saturday, December 3, 2016
I'm in a position where I'm literally experiencing the things which I never thought I would face , birth being the best and death being the worst...
Growing up being that 16 year old when all your friends have boyfriends and even had their first kiss whereas you crushing over the anime character which you are currently watching ... well the anime was slam dunk and the character was Hanamichi sakuragi lol... The point is you probably might have thought your life was boring ...
Being that 22 year old when you'll see most of your friends getting married and think "hey isn't that the girl who hated commitments and had almost like a 100 flings now she's getting married .... Omg isn't that girl hated babies now she's a mom" which makes you think " omg where am I going with my life I still hate commitment , I still hate the idea of being a mom and I still think puppies are cuter than babies".....
Being that 18 year old thinking that watching every newly released movie in a theater and hanging out with your friends every weekend is the biggest enjoyment..
Oh how can I forget being 21 when all your friends are digging up beer , breezer , wine , wiskey etc and you decide to be a teetotaler but instead you become butt of all their jokes as they consider you lame...
Well..... many of you might be thinking I'm just talking how lame my life is .... NO.... I love my life and even at a gun point I wouldn't want to change any of it... I'm just making a point guys..
See at 16 I thought I was boring but by the time I turned 18 all their relationships ended and all of them regretted it and in my case I never had to regret p.s I watched the best anime of my life which is still my favourite ..
I'm 22 I don't have a husband who would bother me , I don't have responsibilities of marriage and most importantly I don't have a baby who would wake me up from my precious sleep but what I do have is a beautiful pet dog who would lick my face and relieve my stress... see I'm a free bird..
When I was 18 and directionless that was surely the best enjoyment ever but when you enter college you will realise there are other things you need to do to set your life to become independent you can't sober all around .
Choosing to be a teetotaler was a best decision ever not that I hate people who drink alcohol its their personal choice but I still remember me telling them " I don't need alcohol to make me feel like I'm in heaven I can feel that normally also " most of my friends who started drinking where really depressed or heartbroken at that time but lucky enough few of them realized that if u want to search peace you cant find it in a bottle of alcohol but sadly few of them didn't and they are still struggling.
The point of writing this post is that guys may be at this point you might feel depressed or outcasted or different than others, may be you find yourself difficult to fit in a group of people but that doesn't mean that things will never change. Sometimes the lamest decisions you have taken with your life are the best decisions ever.
Just because your life is not going the way you want it to ending your life is the stupidest decision ever. What if I had ended my life at 16 and never lived through 18 I would never have got a chance to realise that I took the most best decision ever...
I think most of the people who stay depressed in life are the ones who never figure out the process of growing up ..
Now coming back to the story I'm thankful that my dad poured sense into me to wait and I waited now I have a bunch of friends who love me as the crazy insomnic person that I'm .
Just don't loose hope friends everything sets back but life once it goes away it never comes back..... Please stay positive...!!!!
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Saturday, September 3, 2016
I don’t hate my country but being honest as much as I love India I still don’t ignore the fact that sometimes things are messed up here…😏
When it comes to India it’s like everyone is monarch of their own land. Young people have different ideologies than middle aged and middle aged have different ideologies than old people. Everything is messy , proving everything is an argument.
People easily get offended. I rarely see people who are older than me take humour as easily as I do . We are always restricted to do things what we like to do. Often free spirited people are considered as runt in the community.
Sometimes it gets into my nerves like can’t every person live normally instead of using half knowledge and confirming someone’s personality.
Things like someone’s perfect than you just because they are submessive you are an idiot only because you speak up for yourself.
Its ok for certain part of life but when you are 22 , ain’t doing anything antisocial still people say you should take random shit from people and never speak up for yourself because that’s against Indian tradition it’s complete shit … The most idiotic thing about most of the elder generation of India is according to them you should never speak up for yourself because that would make you look like a rebellious person…
Even speaking right in discussions I have been stopped many times because according to many people girls should never look smart …
Every person is unsatisfied by your looks and everyone is constantly stalking you on every stupid social media… I love being with people but I realised one thing growing up personal space is only thing that would give you the relief that you need. If someone ask about the best part of my life it’s definitely the part where I spent in a single room while getting graduation.
Somewhere or the other these stupid obsessions of society are never letting the country grow … It’s hard to expect anything when we have neighbours like cctv cemeras who are constantly after you for their mere joy of gossips , close people acting worst than stalkers on social media and most worst thing people interfering in personal space everywhere…
More over no matter whose fault it is the younger people should always appolazise because of this stupid f**ked up society.
People who play victim card are considered true , people who are two faced always escape , people who lie are always happy… where are the true ethics of the society….
In conclusion if you are free spirited, humorous and you have active social life you are considered as f**ked up person here…
There was a time tried to make people happy but I wasn’t happy the whole time… So even if you are becoming bad or every person thinks you are disgrace until you are not doing anything antisocial just live for your damn life… Trying to make society happy is shit because no matter how many buckets of pure water you pour into an ocean it’ll still be of salt water… 😫
Friday, July 1, 2016
I’ll be 22 this july and I don’t know what should I be surprised of seeing myself because there was a time when I had a very low self esteem and confidence. Most part I was always with people who showered love so even if few people hated me it would hurt me very bad . I was excess in everything whether it was attachment or confrontation. I wanted everyone around me to be happy. Whatever that made people happy because of me gave me satisfaction.
But after years passed I understood one thing, no matter what you do people around you are never satisfied so you can’t keep all the people around you always happy . Even if you do ten goodthings and one badthing people will talk about the badthing . I have very good levels of self esteem and confidence now. At this stage of life I don’t have many friends but I realised that enemies make you strong. All the positivity I got is only from coming of the shell full of friends. I started exploring and experimenting more. 2years back the same year I lost one of my friend and my dog of 10years I thought it was hard to live but I lived / living quite normally.
If god offers he could exchange all these years of med school of me living in a single room all alone with less friends with happiest memories I would never accept the offer because this taught me how to live and staying with people who loved me never taught me how to live. I lost all my views on marriage and family because seeing people suffering almost everyday with some sort of disease wants me genuinely help them. Having family and stress that comes with it are not the things that I’m looking forward. But definitely want to adopt a 5yr old child in far future. Most of the men I see wants women to work 24hrs restlessly. I’m not saying all the men are bad most of them are good but Indian society sucks! In india inspite of women earning well they are confined to household burden .
In conclusion I just want to say if you have a hard situation learn from it. There were people who said you can’t handle situations yourself and I’m proving them wrong everyday. Don’t let anyone underestimate you!