OPPOSITE SIDE OF ME!!!

I always think does others have a opposite side of life like me ???  now its always like that of  me being a confused girl from childhood..  It was like last year when my english sir (from school) called me and asked me to come to my school and to give lecture to all these new comers how to study and prepare time table , after his call i thought of my self "yaa it is great if any one ask you something like that   but , am i that great that i could give a lecture ??? no way i'm just in college and i'm not at all great then why , no i should not do this."  and thats it the very next moment i called one of my school friend and told that they want to see her in school.. now why did i do it , i just donno....

I was in fifth i guess i won first in a debate (how perfect our governing system is) conducted by our school .. At time awards were being given in annual day and i was in school helping team for our class drama . My parents came to see me take the prize from our district collector there and then there was announcement  of prize winners in debate !!! 3rd and 2nd were given off and then they announced my name , twice and thrice , i was in back stage my mind just thought 1 thing " sudhi you were really bad in that debate donno how they are giving it to you , don't go , don't go" thats it i went back and i pretended as if i was busy in arrangements and my school supervisor caught me she told my that every 1 are waiting for me and took me , there were these steps which connect the back stage and main stage , and my class  teacher and supervisor pushed me into main stage ,opff i took the prize and rushed into backstage hard luck i was again called back to take my photo .. (yuck!!)
Its 2002 likely when India was playing for world cup (cricket )  . We had it shown in our local district cabal and there were local advertisements of schools and colleges and my hard luck at that year i was in science fare  of our school and that video used to be showed in advertisement of our school and my clip used to stay for 7sec . Everday when i used to go to school some unknow used to come any say " hey i saw you on that advertisement ". and i used to think " hard luck , agrr why i'm in this school , i wish i was neverbeen shown " i used to search a better way to escape from it..
My first article "sharks the deep see kings "(against killing of sharks)  was published in our school's magazine (intellect) , it was one of the finest of that year (every one said so ) but i never published any other article thinking that i'm a bad writer ..
once my biology teacher in high school took my sketch book ( i was secretly sketching in between class) i got scared . but he saw all  my sketches and asked " hey have you found one interesting thing  in these? There is a girl in all these sketches once she is in deserts, once in forest , once she is sweeping  , once she is picking flower, feeding birds .. but in every action she is thinking something " lolzzz i still remember it..
yaa i know i think alot and my thoughts are only cause of my destruction (they always try to conquer me) ..

but still i can't dwell it..

                                                              one of my sketch from highschool

at this moment of life i know what i chose was wrong

i know what i wanted to do

i know i could have done miracles 

but why i did silly sacrifices for other 

a sacrifice which made me forget myself

there is still time but i have no strength to fight 

life is long and  i know i can do it someday, some time!!! 

My life is a big question mark for me 

but i know i'll understand about it oneday

all it takes is that i have to control my opposite side!!