MISSING PART OF MY LIFE

Yesterday ,my dad called me and said " sudhi , don't you think you are missing some thing ?" , I looked at him with question mark face , he pointed at a photo in which I'm smiling. He was right i really forgot my smile these day. But because of what ,I'm probably unable to conclude .

I was likely 5 yrs old when I told my mom that I imagine many things . She told me that when ever I imagine things ,I should preserve them by painting or sketching them in paper. It was difficult at first but now it became damn easy , but now that I'm sad whatever I sketch or paint turned out to be sad or gloomy.

(a women sailing on boat thinking of something)

(a fantasy)

(Im right there sitting sadly on a flower and that fairy is trying to make me laugh)

(a fairy on a swan, thinking something)

(thats me ,again thinking something)

(This is me again thinking something)

                                                          

(I donno what mad me draw these three ) 

These are all my imaginations , i swear i never copy other person paintings or sketches . But in each and every sketch, people thinking of something or sad , but I still cant get what is making me sad.

Some people may think I'm mad but it is true. There is some missing part I'm not getting through!!!