UNCONVENTIONAL MARRIAGE 2019

As the dead channels are coming back to live on YouTube I do feel my dead blog deserves a chance ..lol..

Few of my friends who read my blogs already know that I got married on June 21st last year ... 

I know our unconventional marriage always shocks many people , I really do think people who say marriage means becoming one are idiots , good that 80% thoughts match and we don't believe in sitting on each others face 24/7 .

Its only  6months and people around me are like when are you having kids (not my parents they are chill) , but all the others , they feel like I murdered someone when I say I hate kids , it gives me anxiety thinking about raising an individual. Yes we do sometimes think about not having kids and people are like but what about your old age , I'm like ok I'll freaking beg in my old age and that shouldn't be your concern . When I say ok I'll have kids when I'm 35 people are like but what about the health hazards and I'm like see I'm a doc I know there is a lil risk but you know whats the biggest hazard , that even in 2019 planned parenthood is not a thing (you got it right)...

I know we are crazy about our dogs and some people get offended by it , see guys our dogs will love us even if we are mean to them and that's definitely not the case of kids ..

Yes we have full time maid , we pay her so much so that we can be lazy and some people are like you know doing chores together will increase your love , I'm like I donno about love but if I cook daily I'll clearly want to punch his face in frustration . Yeah I like cooking but not every single F***ing day of my life .... I'm lazy actually we both are..

Not to mention these social media police who are 24/7 tracking our accounts , if we post anything sad nevertheless  it may be about pollution , animal abuse or something  they will link it up to our marriage being on rocks , being the expressive person Iam I stopped using facebook because of all these , I know you can't change for others but guys "sometimes in life letting other people win for your own inner peace is indirectly your victory ;) " 

Plus I'm not that immature to post about relationship on social media , I'm 24 not a tiktok kid ugh!!!

I lived with my parents for 18years , then I lived alone for 5years and there was this time I really want to live with someone , and he's not just anyone he's like my anxiety medication for 9years but I got too scared about the conventional society we have all around us, best advice I got was from my mom she was like ," you know at our age marriage was a thing where only one can have opinion (husband) and kids were like these huge commodities which you must have , but you are living in a best possible time where women can speak up and are independent enough to have opinions , whereas having kids is only just a part of life which you may or may not include its only upto you. If you think about people who didn't change over time you can never move forward" , I was like damn she's right!!! 

I know I might have offended people who want kids, have kids , like kids . I mean you can absolutely have kids if you really want them , but forcing someone to have kids when they don't want them is pain in the *** :D

Note : I know it's been sucha long time of me posting anything but I really enjoyed writing this!!! 

Was there at the passport seva kendra today after being sent back twice by them inspite of having full documents and address proofs.  So finally I go in being changed all my address proofs earlier I think their won't be anymore difficulties and the first person I meet rude but tells me all documents are fine and second person I meet again rude but tells me I need to have my 10th class certificate , as a the person who repeatedly read it online that I just need an education certificate need not be 10th certificate on the dam govt passport website I asked her but " I just need a education certificate right,  as I'm a graduate so I bought my mbbs certificates " and here goes the funniest thing the person at the counter says "but how would I know you have passed the 10th or not",  only 4 words were going in my mind at the time  (F-U-C-K) , and I say "how in the world will I complete entire mbbs without passing 10th",  at which point I get a rude reply saying "I don't know all give 10th certificate only " and she writes down "no education certificates given" on my file, she sends me to another counter,  again the same thing repeats there,  at this point they send me to 3more counters which was literally breaking my nerve and at the last counter I would demand her "are you people giving me my passport or not? " and she goes "you know we can't because you don't have education certificate" and I said "but I have my mbbs certificates" she goes " but we only accept 10th" , "but you should accept any kind of education certificate as per govt rule" , I said opening the govt website showing her the rules,  she says "I don't  know I didn't read it but I know that you won't get passport just leave " , I was at the edge of slapping her,  but I requested to forward my application knowing they won't proceed anyway,  which she does after cursing me alot, while waiting at the final counter I think,  all these days of serving the people of this country by skipping my meals,  days where I didn't sleep for 72hrs continues and this is how govt of India is paying me back,  now at the final counter I meet this old lady , as I go in I say " ma'am I have my mbbs certificates but these people are saying I need 10th which I don't have,  which is in university for the permanent licence " and she goes " you know dear empty vessels make lot of noise,  thank you for your service as a doctor and you have all the sufficient  documents and you will get your passport within 15days" , I was like where the hell did this angel drop from,  I thanked her for like 10mins and I proceed out but all the process at the end just took 10mins and I can't believe all the people above wasted like 2hrs of my time because they didn't knew their own rules correctly 🙏 !!! To my surprise all were women and they were referring everyone as "you" no ma'am /sir added , at one particular counter the lady was like " don't you have minimum commonsense how can you bring your mbbs certificates for educational certificates " I laughed and asked her " so mbbs is not education " she goes "no it's graduation " and all of them were young I didn't even know where to hit my head,  we have young people sitting in charge of people's passport who dont know that mbbs is educational degree. I could just have reside the situation as bad experience but I'm writing this because me being a Doctor and daughter of govt class 1 officer , if things were this tough for me imagine all the people who don't have power,  who are illiterate , who might be in desperate need of help and these people who are supposedly have to help are just rude and lazy,  I have filed a complaint and sent a personal message to foreign affairs ministry,  just don't be quiet do whatever you have to until they change things just don't bare it all because if govt messes with us we have to mess with it too as people run this country not govt...!!!! 

8years hitch

When you are 16 and finding your identity world is definitely a scary place....

He : Give me your email id or phone number
Me : why ???
He :  Because you are interesting dear...
Me : NO!

At 16 I always felt boys who use the word "DEAR" were flirting and he felt dear was used to girls who you are friends with ...

Thus began a long persuasion .. I would refuse every single time and he kept on perusing ... That was the time when facebook started he was one of the first to send me request and I wouldn't accept it.

one day he was like : I seriously think I'm a fool now , I just wanted to be your friend because you are just like me if you cant understand that I can't help you , BYE!

I donno why I felt so bad about that and I was like ok fine lets be friends ...

But what he said was right we are very similar , we have our differences but almost 80% in common .

My mom always said finding someone who understands me and my ideologies was like finding a blue diamond but he always understood me effortlessly..

Growing up like a tomboy for a brief period I had more friends who are boys than girls , I never got scared of stupids things , I never cried nor blushed , I was too sporty and competitive . I was bro to all my guy friends (still am) . I'm still pretty much like that but the strangest thing was that he never treated me like a bro.  I was this girl to him with whom he could talk about inventions , travel , adventures , politics ,history etc etc .

The thing I liked most about him was that he is a feminist and alot like my dad who also a feminist .  I always used to say if I ever met a guy like my dad I would marry him because I was so confident that I would never meet a guy with such forward mindset and my parents especially my dad always felt that I would die unmarried .

At some point I slowly realized its simply cant be friendship because he would wake up late nights till I reach my destination if I'm travelling alone, he would get worried if I didn't message him. So I confronted him one day when he sent some message with deep thoughts ... And after few minutes of confrontation  he said " sometimes I do feel like we should be more than friends" , frankly speaking at that time  I didn't think much, all my friends had boyfriends and were pretty busy in their lives and I was bored with where my life was , I desperately needed some adventure so I said yes with no intention of any future thoughts and  pretty much being sure about breaking up with him one day..

After all the life I had I guess the best time started the moment I said yes because being adventurous and full of energy I never had someone who would support that I mean my parents supported it but I never had a companion and there he was with equal thoughts . Whether it was late night drives , hiking , trekking , being on biggest rollercoaster or a towerdrop we did it all..

When I told my friends that I was in a relationship everyone guessed it was with him and my best friends were like if not him then no one can control your madness and at one point my mom was like you know you should marry him because no one can understand you.

That was so true I never had any person in my life who would understand me so well like him. But it was all too unreal for me I was pretty sure we would breakup , I somehow made up my mind that it wouldn't last...

One day I lost my dog of 10years being the strong person I'm I had to comfort all my family members keep my tears inside me and I was living far as a person who is bad at expressing I didn't even tell my friends but he knew it , he traveled for like 19hrs leaving his work just to meet me so that I wont be lonely and that was the time it hit me and I was like no I cant play around thinking its gonna end one day I better be serious and work it on.

I know being in a relationship is not an easy task even stone hearted people cry and there'll be ton of mood swings , different phases but you just have to go through all of it. I always think loosing everything is very easy but keeping everything together is hard yet worth it .

People breakup  for silly reasons these days.

When we decided to get married I know there is this huge opposition from my friends , his friends and common friends. I mean we live in a society where people think if you are getting married you will have kids in a year or two then become this typical middle aged couple but we absolutely have no plans of having kids even more than 10yrs and when people ask me why suddenly you people decided to get married its not sudden we know each other for so long being having discussed it many times it never felt sudden and marriage is the only thing that would allow us to enjoy more , travel more, be more adventurous and be all by ourselves.

Our relationship is I would say is bit less complicated compared to others. We are never romantic kind of people we are more like best friends and still our conversations are mostly about all those I mention above , we never lie to each other and figure out easily even if we did , we both love animals and almost 80% of our interests , thoughts and ideas match. As its the scenario we really do have less fights than other couples and more understanding..

If ever in future I have kids I would really tell them to be with someone who share same interests , I know people say opposites attract but after certain stage you would really get fed up if you want something and your partner wants something else...   

For some reason marriage is not at all making me nervous, have to wait and watch how our lives will be after June....

The year just flew!!!

2017 probably  would be the first year of my life that I felt ended so quickly.  I was busy the entire year , travelled alot but multiple times I was in need of a break.  Stress was all over me. Anyways....

When you are 17 and crazy you probably might not think about life how it would be.  Sometimes you are just alone no matter how badly you want someone by your side and sometimes you just want to be alone but there is a crowd mocking at you, it makes me think how did I end up here...

When you are bought up with too much  of freedom and still there are people who try to control you and  no matter how much you want to punch them on their face you just smile.  People keep telling me how life sucks!!!  I know right now life sucks there are too many directions to follow and too much of hopelessness but this phase like any other phase will pass....

The most important thing this year taught me is patience.  Yep I do get frustrated and I do feel left out but there are people with bad situations than mine. I know it's hard but someday or the other you have to outgrow the crazy kid in you .. 

The people you love can't be mothering you all the time because at the end of the day they too have got a life to live... 

So yes I decided to outgrew myself ... All I'm waiting is for my next adventure...!!!! 
Just keep swimming....  

Waiting is all you need....!!!!

I remember calling my dad after first 4months in hostel and telling him " I feel so different here, I'm literally scaring people because of my insomnia , the other day I was washing clothes at 2.am someone almost got a heartattack " . I also remember him telling me " may be not now but you may end up finding someone who'll love you for what you are "....

 I'm in a position where I'm literally experiencing the things which I never thought I would face , birth being the best and death being the worst...

Growing up being that 16 year old when all your friends have boyfriends and even had their first kiss whereas you crushing over the anime character which you are currently watching ... well the anime was slam dunk and the character was Hanamichi sakuragi lol... The point is you probably might have thought your life was boring ...

Being that 22 year old when you'll see most of your friends getting married and think "hey isn't that the girl who hated commitments and had almost like a 100 flings now she's getting married .... Omg isn't that girl hated babies now she's a mom" which makes you think  " omg where am I going with my life I still hate commitment , I still hate the idea of being a mom and I still think puppies are cuter than babies".....

Being that 18 year old thinking that watching every newly released movie in a theater and hanging out with your friends every weekend is the biggest enjoyment..

Oh how can I forget being 21 when all your friends are digging up beer , breezer , wine , wiskey etc  and you decide to be a teetotaler but instead you become butt of all their jokes as they consider you lame...

Well..... many of you might be thinking I'm just talking how lame my life is .... NO.... I love my life and even at a gun point I wouldn't want to change any of it... I'm just making a point guys..

See at 16 I thought I was boring but by the time I turned 18 all their relationships ended and all of them regretted it and in my case I never had to regret p.s I watched the best anime of my life which is still my favourite ..

I'm 22 I don't have a husband who would bother me , I don't have responsibilities of marriage and most importantly I don't have a baby who would wake me up from my precious sleep but what I do have is a beautiful pet dog who would lick my face and relieve my stress... see I'm a free bird..

When I was 18 and directionless that was surely the best enjoyment ever but when you enter college you will realise there are other things you need to do to set your life to become independent you can't sober all around .

Choosing to be a teetotaler was a best decision ever not that I hate people who drink alcohol its their personal choice but I still remember me telling them " I don't need alcohol to make me feel like I'm in heaven I can feel that normally also " most of my friends who started drinking where really depressed or heartbroken at that time but lucky enough few of them realized that if u want to search peace you cant find it in a bottle of alcohol but sadly few of them didn't and they are still struggling.

The point of writing this post is that guys may be at this point you might feel depressed or outcasted or different than others, may be you find yourself difficult to fit in a group of people but that doesn't mean that things will never change. Sometimes the lamest decisions you have taken with your life are the best decisions ever.

Just because your life is not going the way you want it to ending your life is the stupidest decision ever. What if I had ended my life at 16 and never lived through 18 I would never have got a chance to realise that I took the most best decision ever...

I think most of the people who stay depressed in life are the ones who never figure out the process of growing up ..

Now coming back to the story I'm thankful that my dad poured sense into me to wait and I waited now I have a bunch of friends who love me as the crazy insomnic person that I'm .

Just don't loose hope friends everything sets back but life once it goes away it never comes back..... Please stay positive...!!!!

Outspoken thoughts

It’s amazing when people accept their mistake , nothing can give instant relief than acceptance ….

It’s surprising that sometimes being alone is refreshing than being with people…

That amazing moment when 100 oppose you still one dares stand up for u….

That speechless feeling when you are constantly bullied because of your looks and someone admires them..

It’s magical how sometimes bad food tastes so yummy in hunger…

People like me who never share anything with others it always amazing when someone says “eat this it’s your favourite, don’t do it as you don’t like it , you should go there as it’s your favourite place” …

I absolutely love when men sing mainly when they are very bad at it but still sing to make up the mood…

The way a pet changes stiff you to a cuddle bug it’s always wonderful…

People say money gives happiness but sometimes people who have nothing are more happy than people who have everything….

It’s crazy that no matter how big pessimist we are we all are optimistic about life…

Love has a power to start or stop a war….

Every person loves whether it’s a common man or a dictator….

Why we live in a f**ked up society…..

I don’t hate my country but being honest as much as I love India I still don’t ignore the fact that sometimes things are messed up here…😏

When it comes to India it’s like everyone is monarch of their own land. Young people have different ideologies than middle aged and middle aged have different ideologies than old people. Everything is messy , proving everything is an argument.

People easily get offended. I rarely see people who are older than me take humour as easily as I do . We are always restricted to do things what we like to do. Often free spirited people are considered as runt in the community.

Sometimes it gets into my nerves like can’t every person live normally instead of using half knowledge and confirming someone’s personality.

Things like someone’s perfect than you just because they are submessive you are an idiot only because you speak up for yourself.

Its ok for certain part of life but when you are 22 , ain’t doing anything antisocial still people say you should take random shit from people and never speak up for yourself because that’s against Indian tradition it’s complete shit … The most idiotic thing about most of the elder generation of India is according to them you should never speak up for yourself because that would make you look like a rebellious person…

Even speaking right in discussions I have been stopped many times because according to many people girls should never look smart …

Every person is unsatisfied by your looks and everyone is constantly stalking you on every stupid social media… I love being with people but I realised one thing growing up personal space is only thing that would give you the relief that you need. If someone ask about the best part of my life it’s definitely the part where I spent in a single room while getting graduation.

Somewhere or the other these stupid obsessions of society are never letting the country grow … It’s hard to expect anything when we have neighbours like cctv cemeras who are constantly after you for their mere joy of gossips , close people acting worst than stalkers on social media and most worst thing people interfering in personal space everywhere…

More over no matter whose fault it is the younger people should always appolazise because of this stupid f**ked up society.

People who play victim card are considered true , people who are two faced always escape , people who lie are always happy… where are the true ethics of the society….

In conclusion if you are free spirited, humorous and you have active social life you are considered as f**ked up person here…

There was a time tried to make people happy but I wasn’t happy the whole time… So even if you are becoming bad or every person thinks you are disgrace until you are not doing anything antisocial just live for your damn life… Trying to make society happy is shit because no matter how many buckets of pure water you pour into an ocean it’ll still be of salt water… 😫

Things I out grew …!!!

I’ll be 22 this july and I don’t know what should I be surprised of seeing myself because there was a time when I had a very low self esteem and confidence. Most part I was always with people who showered love so even if few people hated me it would hurt me very bad . I was excess in everything whether it was attachment or confrontation. I wanted everyone around me to be happy. Whatever that made people happy because of me gave me satisfaction.

But after years passed I understood one thing, no matter what you do people around you are never satisfied so you can’t keep all the people around you always happy . Even if you do ten goodthings and one badthing people will talk about the badthing . I have very good levels of self esteem and confidence now. At this stage of life I don’t have many friends but I realised that enemies make you strong. All the positivity I got is only from coming of the shell full of friends. I started exploring and experimenting more. 2years back the same year I lost one of my friend and my dog of 10years I thought it was hard to live but I lived / living quite normally.

If god offers he could exchange all these years of med school of me living in a single room all alone with less friends with happiest memories I would never accept the offer because this taught me how to live and staying with people who loved me never taught me how to live. I lost all my views on marriage and family because seeing people suffering almost everyday with some sort of disease wants me genuinely help them. Having family and stress that comes with it are not the things that I’m looking forward. But definitely want to adopt a 5yr old child in far future. Most of the men I see wants women to work 24hrs restlessly. I’m not saying all the men are bad most of them are good but Indian society sucks! In india inspite of women earning well they are confined to household burden .

In conclusion I just want to say if you have a hard situation learn from it. There were people who said you can’t handle situations yourself and I’m proving them wrong everyday. Don’t let anyone underestimate you!

LETTER TO FUTURE ME

I have recently seen a video online and a thought just popped into my mind that how would it be if I write a letter to future me? So here it goes,

Sudhi when you are reading this post you will be 10years older than now. I hope you are as cool as now , I hope trekking, pottery and painting became your regular hobbies , I hope mom dad are fine and are living with you,  I hope you found your true love, I hope you are married and has opened your own therapy center. As you are 31 now its best time for you to have kids just like you planned. No matter how many people are hating you around I hope you are still growing strong. I hope you became independent and are earning enough without the support of your husband. I hope my lovely brother is living independent financially,  I hope sister is settled too, I hope you finally got a pitbull as a graduation gift and are reading this post petting him.

Are you getting your free time ?

I hope you are rich enough to hire a maid ( I know how much you hate doing house work)

Are you finally living in a house with big lawn ?

Have you visited any forgein country?

How many nieces and nephews do you have ? Are you being a good aunt?

Are those people who irritate you the most still around you?

Does you , Chandu, manu hangout like old times?

Sudhi I want you to know that if you are struck with a wrong person in a suffocating situation feel free to leave him. If you are not enjoying your life in city there is always plan B. Don't let any stupid person change you.

I hope you love yourself as much as you do now.

I hope you still sometimes open Facebook to see your old pics.

I hope you are fit like now.

I hope you are still writing stories.                               


 
                                             With so much love,

 ~sudhi

5years of blogging and 5years of abandoned dreams..!!!

Hi friends,

This post is special , seriously I can't believe that my blogs are 5 years old already and I thank my readers from the bottom of my heart who made this journey possible...

When I started this blog 5 years back I was just a simple gal who was very crazy and all she wanted to do in her life was trekking and medical service in all 3rd world countries. But fortunately or unfortunately she grew up into to this astonishing young lady...lol...(self compliment)

If you ask me what amazes me the most I just keep thinking, is it me moving out of the house? Is it me growing up and understanding things? Is it knowing new facts? I just don't know.  At starting I was picked on often due to my less knowledge on sex talk and less interest in boys .. Talking about boys I was very scared of boys in my teens all my friends had boyfriends and I was the one who always ran away when ever asked on a date but now things changed I simply reject and I least care. I'm more confident now and I look lot better.

The only thing I regret the most is I had the best group of friends from 8th to 12th and I don't now , my friends who still remember each and every single bit of me which I don't. People often ask me does it hurt when you are constantly mocked? Yes ofcourse it hurts but sometimes its better if you move on and take things lite.

I still believe in being good to everyone whether its a friend or an enemy and I will keep doing that till my end no matter what happens..

Marriage is still a big question mark in my life I donno why , when ever I tell people I will marry after 10years they are like what the heck!! The question is can any one control this adventurous mind of mine? The gal who lives doing multiple works , having multiple dreams and who doesn't believe in system of marriage.. I can't be that typical Indian daughter-in-law doing poojas and taking care of children etc etc I even don't think of having kids for next 10years but ironically I love kids . I often think can anyone think of having a daughter-in-law in a gal who dreams about writing books on a roof top, a gal who dreams about working in war zone and a gal who thinks of climbing mountains..

My death is definitely when I'm locked in a single room when I have nothing much work to do , yes I die everyday. I die everyday when I talk to people who are not innovative, I die everyday when I see people who are having freedom , I die everyday because of restriction, I die whenever some idiot tells me I can't do it but it doesn't make me wish not to reborn the next day, I know today is hard but tomorrow may be good.

One of the things that keep me alive is the wonderful people I meet in the hospital, my profession.. I know it is hard to be a doctor but I also know that I was born to be a doctor. I live in my dreams of opening a therapy center, I live in every child who thinks differently and I live in that every naughty kid I see.

The  thing that scares me the most is if I get married it is literally killing the dream of opening a therapy center, dream of being a doctor I want to be not what they want me to be and having my freedom disappear.

I wish I was born in some other country apart from India where gals have freedom to make their dreams come true. The destiny of every Indian gal is marriage, jobs , kids and in-laws and gals like me end up the same.

It was surely hard after loosing my dog of 10years (whom I had from 7th grade to 2nd year medicine) he was the only one who loved me for what I am , I don't feel like going home anymore it feels empty without him..

I do feel bad about people who betrayed me, bad friendships I made, bad decisions I took and the way how many people turned out to look at me but they were all my decisions no one forced me so I just keep going straight..

When you grow up you will realize somethings are just promises , people who boast about being on your side are the first ones to run away , this is one big crazy world which we live in the only way to survive is never give up loving yourself...

You will realize that when you are a kid you dream about being a lone ranger having a pet tiger but all you could be is nothing more than someone's wife. In future incase if I have kids I would definitely tell them to preserve and achieve their wildest fantasies because there will be a 100 people in a row who will try whatever possible to make you not achieve that and you will have some more 100 people who will discourage you.

So my funda in life is very simple I just love myself and I keep searching for better path...
   

               ~ Life is all about how you write it and when I die atleast these blogs will remain~

How I fell and stood up..!!

Hi friends,

   I know its been so long since I last posted but I'm thinking to post every week from today like old days ... 

  In all these years I have seen my self grow from a girl to a lady I have seen a phase of a gal who faced extreme bullying in childhood and who stood up all that to a gal who was very adventurous to a lady who is thrown up into a restricted area and yet again facing bullying but sadly this time she can't be adventurous anymore ..

I know all these people who bully me now regarding my looks are changing me into someone I really don't want to be . I never yell at people but I did that lately and I regret it ,sometimes I find it so offensive how others take so much interest in my life than their own and I have developed an eating disorder with all these stress yet strangely I started loosing weight.

I donno why I blame myself for all the failed relationships I'm in , I never understand the scenario how could someone think of hurting other person with lame words its completely vague to comment on others looks. I'm not beautiful and I never think about it not even once the only time I look at my face is when I'm brushing my teeth and this is the truth of my life and it just confuses me how someone could tell on my face " you are ugly and skinny" , I never comment on others looks , I never gossip and if I have spare time I would write stories or read novels or draw something. 

More than hurting me it disturbs me how inspite of all these things happening around the world all that  someone thought of doing was simply to hurt others on their beauty which they surely require any time because real beauty lies in the heart and they are bunch of ugly people because they don't have a heart..

I remember all those bullies from childhood who are now eagerly waiting for me to apologize them , they have ended up getting bad grades doing odd courses , I ended up in medical school getting good grades and I know karma is a bitch if you live your life plotting against others you will drown in the same hole you are digging in . I have seen many examples of these through out my life till now.

I always just think only one thing, I would live up to tell this story of how I stood up fighting against all odds and they would die in grief .

Today they might be powerful but there is a tomorrow of all the sins we do and it will cost them more than they deserve.

I could ruin them if I want to but that's not the person I am , I know there is something special in me that's why they are jealous of me.

I always tell this every one who are bullied that there is some thing special in you  making them insecure.

I learned to live in peace, thanks to some of the wonderful people who are still in my life, yes I too have lows in my life don't think I'm a super human lol..!! 

These experiences make me go forward and see life more deeply, life is not always about sugars and cream berrys its also about sour pickles and all you have to do is be patient because you never know and the waiter may serve you cream berry this time.

It wasn't all about getting rid of 2014 it was about how I kept up with myself!!!!!

Hi Friends!!!

Hurray!!!! Its new year and I'm totally happy because 2014 was not at all a good year for me . Well.... what can I say , I have lost my dog of 10years , I have lost my friend and even my beloved people suffered with few health issues so concludingly it was a very bad year for me . As I mentioned above it wasn't all about getting rid of 2014 it was about how I kept up with myself in hard situations. I never thought that I could be so strong in life as every situation was surely a experience of something new for me...

Even though I want it to change past is past so its better to live upto the mark in future...

My new resolutions here on the line!!!

1) To stay clam and peaceful always.

2) To educate people the benefits of  vegetarianism.

3) To spread awareness about animal adoption ( especially for animals with special needs).

4) Of course , gotta concentrate on studies and get good grades.

5) To Try to maintain good physic .

6) To stop being a lazy dooschbag !!

7) To eat healthy.

8) To stay in touch with all my friends.

9) To bring smile on at least one person's face.

10) To do my part in helping poor and needy!!!

Have a nice year friends.. Thanks for reading...

INCIDENCE

Hello friends ,
   Umm..!! I guess I'm posting after a decade isn't it?? I wonder if I have any readers left lol.. Medical school is defiantly a tough business. 

Recently it was when tired me doozing off on my study table telling my inner self to be careful not to fall on my pen hanger the sight of my green color pencil bleeps me and strangely the first incidence that striked my head was my great grandma's Saree (she literally had all green saree's ) I remember how she used to teach me hard poems in Telugu and smiled when ever I recited them correct , I remember her extra wrinkled skin , I remember how independent and dynamic she was even at that age , she was the only woman in her  village who could recite the entire Bagwath Geeta in Sanskrit and only one of that kind I know. When ever I remember her I remember my grandfather her son who was the ultimately talented and kind person I ever known if he wanted he could have become filty rich but all he chose was to help people , I remember how he died so early, I remember making that decision never to attend any funerals after attending his , I even remember his last words with me he wanted me to become a doc which I'm fulfilling ...

It's like a chain reaction when ever I think about my grandpa I think about my super cool Dad . My relation with my dad is unusual because mostly in India fathers run military schools for their daughters with hell of rules and regulations and mine didn't pose even one on me , I'm proud that I still sit on my dad's lap even pull his cheeks , scare him all the time , we crack jokes together and it was my dad who taught me cooking , we cook together , we go shopping together and till date he never restricted me on anything not even when I wear any short dress not even on any matter regarding love its like he trusts me somehow. My friends who see us together often ask me the reason for the extra added spice in our relationship but truth is its him who always treasured the relationship like that.

Talking about restrictions sometimes its hard to digest but its true that even in this 21st century there are women who feel  gals who work won't make a good wife , women who dream of becoming nothing but housewives , young educated women who know nothing about what is happening around the world apart from makeup and I'm living in sucha dumb ass place where we don't have freedom no matter how I hate it I  have to stay because of my education. 

I remember that kid who used to jump walls to run away from dance class , I remember that sporty little gal who loved basketball and cricket not to forget she was a die hard gamer I even remember playing halo online creating a fake profile as a boy . I remember that intelligent gal who read books beyond her age or that animal freak who wanted a pet Chinese garden lizard or a Bengal tiger.

Some times I feel like it's all wasted. I was unique but I ended up in a place similar to BC era with no thoughts of inventions and inovations .Even if this was good there is no guarantee that I would end up in a much better place in upcoming future umm.. Marriage? I hardly think so , someday or the other I will end up like any other gal which I least want. I don't think I'm useful when I loose the fire inside me completely. People often say I would be a terrible mother who would care her pet animals more than her kids on contrary I'm the favorite of all my nieces and nephews its because I let them do whatever they want , which is wrong and yes I would be a terrible mother but still I love kids and 

animals a lot I never understand the logic how many gals even get scared of puppies and over react ..

I do feel like shouting at those dumb people around me that " gals if you call it feminine its not feminine its bizarre why do you try so hard for those who are ignoring you and how dare you call me a boy only because i don't put on any makeup and nail polish , why do you stare at me? these are just shorts I'm not walking nude , yes I don't feel shy eating in front of boys so what? , yes I never go to temples but do you people at least know even a single bit written in geeta , Ramayana or Mahabharata? I know because I read them way back , yes I'm thin at least I'm not dieting , why do you contradict me you bitches when you are not perfect in any angle  atleast I love myself" though how much I feel like saying this I can't I wish I could tell them that looking posh or doing posh stuff won't help them in future if they don't have self courage they would ultimately end up looking like old mamas without Any respect..

I remember my adventurous life till 12th after that everything changed , priorities changed . 20 is not a cool number sadly. yes it irritates me when I'm restricted on doing something but it is sometimes healthy to make others happy. I never thought I would be tamed so well :-)  .

I remember going into a slum once and getting awestruck by the beautiful smell of the food from each house ( it was lunch time). we earn money for prestige, good future , blah blah blah but they earn money just to fill their tummies interesting isn't it??!!

Bagwath geeta say's a person shouldn't be attached to anything not even to his own body may be that's why I'm not attached to anything.

The thing that keeps me alive through all these fuss is my profession , being a doctor is like an adventure each and every single day , the feeling of seeing life coming in to existence , the feeling of holding a newly born child , the feeling while seeing a person leave his last breath are surely inexpressible. I sometimes feel I made a right decision taking this profession as my enthusiasm would never have grown in any other profession and I couldn't thank my wonderful grandpa for thinking so beyond about me way back... :-) 

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Shades of Love

Hi friends,
How have you all been? It's like a decade I have last posted. Well guys people say love hurts! Ya, love hurts but the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it.

I know it hurts when someone break any promise, it hurts when someone cheats on you, it hurts when someone ignores you.

It's not love what I see these days, it's purely is a business. It is not called love, when it makes you change, makes you end your dreams and becomes you some stupid dependable person.

My sincere request to all those who apologize without any mistakes to the partner,

never apologize for saying what you feel,

that's like saying, "Sorry, for being real".

 Love maybe good, but dependence is bad. What is the use of love that don't give you the freedom???

Standup for something, 

even it means standing alone.

Do you really need people who need reason for everything you do in your life???

Do it because you want to.

Because it's fun.

Because it makes you happy.

If you keep on waiting for the perfect moment, the moment will pass by and you will regret it.

My suggestion to all the people who wants to fall in love,

"Fall in love when you are ready not when you are ready."

Sometimes the hardest things in life are the right things we do.

The love without any reason is the most beautiful one, wait for it.

Always go on a date with someone who can take you anywhere without touching anything but only your heart.

Love is not about how much you say 'I love you', but how much you can prove that it's true.

Always remember guys, the person who loves you will come after you no matter how many hurdles come in between and don't ever love a person who never cares what you are passing by for him or her, because some times it's waste to end your life for someone who doesn't even care for you.

As a human the biggest wealth that you can have is your happiness and your independence. Don't lose it for a sake of one person.

If anyone ditch you always remember you cannot start the next chapter of the life if you keep reading the last one.

LiFe@ ThEn AnD NoW

Hi friends,
Well it's been long time isn't??? You know guys recently I was in the kitchen , cooking and suddenly something got stuck in my mind, I thought to myself  "look at you!!! you are actually cooking??!!!! LOL yes it's really amazing to see me like this because likely 5-6years back when I was in school I was a geeky looking gal who was extremely thin wearing glasses that had a awful frame whose hair was never cut properly and with a monster eyebrows yet I used to have a lot of self appeal . I was good student with good grades who believed that she was born to rule and household works like cooking etc were ment  for homemakers and servants ....hahahahaha....

Seriously friends everything changed , everyone changed . My friends, navya who was a big tomboy with short hair is now a beautiful young lady, pinky who was a big coward now studying in abroad , chandu who always depended on her mom dad for everything is now living all alone in china,My bro who was 5'4 then is 6'2 now , my doggie is getting old now :'( , my dad crossed 50 , my first blog is already 3years old and I'm no more a teen.......... 

I stay in hostel away from home , I have to travel in local buses for 5hours to reach home , I don't get much time to look at myself in mirror,every morning I curse my university life and food in mess...  But still I'm happy because I changed from the stubborn gal who never even wanted to try simple things in life like getting eye brows done or turning on the stove inorder not to get hurt to a considerably brave gal who see's dead, half burnt, severely wounded people in her every day life , who pricks her hand to take her own blood for lab tests yet not scared of her life and think of en lighting others life ....

I have no regrets in my journey so far friends it is even though I met many bad people, difficult situations and tears that floated but still thanks because the experiences I had became fine morals  for my future.

Well that is it for today friends, I don't know when I will be posting my next post but till then happy journey.....!!!! :D :D 

LIFE@NOW

Hello friends,
It's been more than 6months since I last updated my blog isn't it??? well I have been busy I mean very busy in adapting new life that I forgot my old life , my thoughts and my interests....
What should I say about my new life , ummm..... should I say about how often people made me cry or should I say about how often I felt deserted or should I say about cross cultural effect which I have seen or about the drastic changes that love can bring in anyone's life , this love which made me travel like 10hours just to spend one day with my family.

 I was wrong about many things and hopefully i realized............ (a quite puzzled post isn't it??? ) 

LIFE AND DEATH....

Hello friends,

Recently my turtle passed away , she seemed perfectly fine few hours ago but fate has something else for her. She was sick from approximately 2months when I came home she recovered well and no one expected that she will die.The day she died she walked around the house she was suffering from swollen eye disease  so she cleaned her eyes to see us and she opened her mouth for food , she was fine and I never expected that she will die.

seriously friends life is like a hour glass , eventually everything hits the bottom...... 

I never understand why death is so painful even though I know everyone around me including me should die one day....

But at the end of the day death leave the heartache  from which no one can heal and love leaves the memory which no one can steal.

It doesn't matter how anyone will die , what matters is how they will lived.

Moments make life , It's not necessary to spend years with someone , it's just moments spent with someone that defines life.......

When my grandpa passed away I developed a phobia , I used to get so scared of the word death , I used never digest  how people around us whom we see in day to day life could leave the world , I used to be so scared that even if I get such dreams I used to wake up and roam around house but I don't know how age made me mentally strong. 

It may be because I realised that  he who doesn't fear death dies only once...

I understood that people around me will never die , they may leave this world but their memories will always live with me... 

Death ends a life not a relationship. 

So friends why to care about death this second is ours lets live it in our style ...

Don't be afraid of death,

be afraid of unfulfilled life.

You don't have to live forever,

you just have to live......

R.I.P Lila.....(my turtle)